Bloggers, Take a Vacation!

by Alec Rosekrans

Pity the noble blogger: shunning family, friendships and sunlight, forgoing sleep and exercise, subsisting on a diet of Mountain Dew and Top Ramen, slaving tirelessly in the dim light of their LCDs in the Sisyphean task of creating the intertubes. Now a story in the New York Times has revealed that many bloggers are so devoted to breaking the latest stories into the blogosphere that they are actually sacrificing their health, and in two recent cases, even their lives.

We at Halogen Guides cannot sit idly by as the nation’s bloggers post themselves into oblivion. Without this selfless tribe’s obsession for the most excruciating minutia of a Steve Jobs keynote address, its righteous indignation against a compliant “mainstream media” unwilling to report innuendo and rumor, and their fixation on producing grammatically incorrect annotations of cat photographs, Americans might actually have to interact with one another during coffee breaks. For the sake of the blogosphere, we politely ask that bloggers take a well-deserved, and much needed, vacation. And since we are the experts in luxury travel, we feel it falls upon us to advise these overworked bloggers on the best options for a vacation.

Michael Arrington, TechCrunch
For Michael Arrington, founder and co-editor of the beloved TechCrunch, who revealed to the New York Times that his blogging has led to weight gain, a sleeping disorder and frazzled nerves, we suggest a week or three at the Four Seasons Westlake Village. He can have a standing massage appointment at the world-class spa, and if more extensive treatment is required, get himself some wellness at the adjacent California Health & Longevity Institute.


Andrew Sullivan, theAtlantic.com
For Andrew Sullivan, whose erudite musings on politics and culture are the toast of cybserspace, we suggest a sordid sojourn among the philistines in Las Vegas, preferably at a hotel whose garish faux European décor will suitably offend his refined sensibilities. Pig out at the buffet table, ogle the oily young flesh by the pool at the Palms, take in the Bette Middler show, rake in some filthy lucre at the craps, let out that mouth breathing troglodyte inside for one bacchanal among the bourgeoisie. Don’t worry, you can chalk it up as a sociology experiment later.


Meg Frost, Cute Overload

For Meg Frost, the blogger behind Cute Overload, we recommend getting as far away from anything fluffy and soft as possible, she completely snaps and goes on a nine-state killing spree. She needs to go somewhere for adults. Perhaps a week at Las Ventanas in Cabo San Lucas will do the trick. Sophisticated, understated elegance without a puppy, kitten or baby panda in sight.



Christian Lander, Stuff White People Like
Finally, we turn to Christian Lander, the mind behind the instantly controversial, and popular, site Stuff White People Like. With a rumored $300,000 off-line deal (also known as a book deal), we suggest he combine No. 19 (traveling) and No. 72 (Study Abroad) with No. 9 (Making you feel bad about not going outside), and book this 17-day trip created by Stanford University that recreates Charles Darwin’s 1831 visit to the Galapagos, all from the comfort of a private jet.

So please, bloggers of the world, for your sake and for ours, heed our advice and take a vacation. And whatever you do, don’t take your laptop with you.